Choices

I think in the U.S., we are given way more choices or the appearance of choices than we should have. For example, there are two different toothpaste brands right next to each other. They are packaged differently but they have the same exact ingredients. There's not much of a choice because, in essence, you are buying the same thing but the appearance makes it seem like you made a choice. Well, I've found myself with choices this week. After trying my best to choose the right types of food, I went in line and looked at the different "choices" before I checked out. I saw the individual choice of chocolate candy, non-chocolate candy, gum and I realized that it wasn't much of a choice. They were all products with similar ingredients and little nutritional value. So either I choose a product before I checkout or I don't. As I stared at the deliciousness that my pallet would get from that piece of candy, I realized that I just don't want that in my body.

This fight is real. It's the small victory for me to decide that I don't want something at that moment even though it might give me temporary satisfaction. This struggle is something I have to consciously think of until it become natural for me to say that I don't crave it, I don't want it and I just refuse to have it. Regardless, I find comfort in knowing that there are those who have fought this fight and succeeded. I'm not alone in my journey. My journey will be long and won't be finished anytime soon, but for now, I'm celebrating the small victories.

Again

I'm at it again. I've fallen off the wagon. First it started with one small thing, then a couple of small things, and here I am 6 months later and a little heavier. Not just me this time, both my husband and I have gained a little bit of weight. On a brighter note, my kids are fit. They are really fit and I monitor their diets more closely than I do.

Maybe it's because it's me. I'm beginning to realize the value I put on myself is not as highly as I put for those around me and that's a problem. I am valuable. My life is valuable. The hopes and dreams to do more physical things are valuable. The battle I have with my mind to think it's not is absolutely ridiculous. There aren't any good excuses to not be healthy. I am worth it. So again, I type this as a person who has fallen, but I'm not staying down. I'm telling myself that I am valuable enough to work and struggle at getting fit.

Feeling FAT

I've fallen off the eating-right wagon awhile back ago. It must of have been several months ago that I stopped taking a careful eye at what I put in my body. I can describe a plethora of incidents that may have led to it -maybe my uncle's funeral, maybe working a lot, maybe the obnoxious international student who lived with us, maybe...just maybe, it's ONLY me.

Anyway, I read this article the other day and I started thinking about what exactly I missed out on because of me not wanting to show my body. With summer here, it's more apparent of how much I don't want to show or do because of how I look. It all comes down to insecurities. I don't have the body I used to have and I haven't been working toward it so I'm not going to get it back.

With less than 2 years until I'm 40, I wonder how much of my days I will live living inside the body that I don't want. Change is hard. Change is slow but it shouldn't be this slow. The only reason why it's this slow is because I'm choosing it. I've made excuses after excuses. Those excuses aren't helping me. I need real change. I need to be happy with me and not let little things deter me from reaching my goals.

I'm recommitting today. I'm going to do it. I have to. There is no reason that I shouldn't.

Unity

Sometimes in the morning hours, I can hear at a distance the sound of bells ringing from a church close by. I find the noise a bit soothing knowing that there is a group of people who are planning to gather for the same purpose in the same place. I think about how there is strength in that unity. I also think about how that is very much needed in the process of weight loss.

I know I've mentioned before that if you want to reach a goal, surround yourself with others who already reached that goal. Awhile back ago, I began my process in taking a sneak peak at other people's websites that have the mindset of making fitness a priority. I also spent time with the owners of my son's former karate school. Both of them put fitness at such a priority and have a passion to see others live that life. I heard story after story about people losing weight, about poor health issues being cured, about fat turned into muscle and even witness my own husband drop about 40 lbs. There have been times where I've felt that I was riding the wave of good health by taking a good look at what I put on my plate and my families plate. There have been times where I made an effort to work out a little more and there have been times where I felt as if I was watching everyone progress in their health journey from the sidelines.

Whatever the season is, I know that this will be a life time journey. I'm still a work in progress and know that losing weight is not an easy thing, it doesn't only consist of what I put on my plate or how much exercise I put in. A large part of it consist of being in an environment where I can thrive because as I said earlier, there is strength in unity.

I did it!

For the first time in my life, I went on a long road trip and didn't stop at any fast food places. None whatsoever. Maybe for some people, this is an easy task but for someone who has ate convenience food for much of her adult life, it's a huge step for me. I should say "us" because my husband is on board with living a cleaner-fitter life and teaching our children to do the same is rather important.

Just when I was comfortable with all the local finds around town to support clean, fit, healthier, allergy free food (wheat and dairy), I move. I really loved how little old Bellingham, WA is known to be the third healthiest place in the United States. Healthy food was not just a drive away, it was literally, a hop, skip, walk, drive, here, there, every where kind of place. Of course, there was a lot of unhealthy, grease filled, artery clogging, obesity causing places but the healthy food was very much apparent.

Now, I sit typing at a hotel with a rather small kitchen in sunny San Diego knowing that I will have to wait another two weeks before I can move into the place I will call home. There are many challenges with trying to eat healthy. Some being all the delicious food that I encountered like Japanese, Korean and all the yummy restaurants! Delicious food like that isn't all that accessible without a long drive in Bellingham. Other challenges being that I didn't pack my blender so I can't make all the delicious fruit and vegetable smoothies I used to have. Being in transition is definitely difficult but I'm committed to make the right choices. I can do this! I-CAN-DO-THIS!

Exhausting

Awhile back ago, I went to my combat fitness class. It's one of those classes where the coach seems way more motivated than I do and feels that it's fun to hit people. Perhaps I was over my head when I've decided to take this class. The truth is, I want to make fitness a priority but does fitness have to be this rough?

Anyway, I used the boxing gloves they provided. Part of me thought I was going to die with a million thoughts of unsanitary in my head. Other people wore the gloves before me. Other people's sweat and stench embodied the gloves. I reluctantly put them on because well, maybe it was peer pressure. Everyone in the class was doing it so I should too, right? Unfortunately, there wasn't many people in the class so it's not like I could run and hide from it all. In fact, there was so few people in the class that the coach decided that I would be her partner. After maybe 10 minutes of kicking and punching and blocking, I told her that she's killing me. Her response resonated with me. She said, "No, I'm not killing you. I'm helping you get healthy." Wow! She's right. She IS helping me get healthy. I'm starting to realize that my battle isn't with the exercises I want to do or the exercises I don't want to do. The battle has to do with my emotional self. Loosing weight is more than just strength and exercise. It works with the very foundation of who I am and the choices I'm making. The amount of exercise I do, the food I eat, the activities I chose to participate in...it's all inter-related. I'm not even close to finish with my journey of weight loss but I'm not giving up.